June28/Depression/PG/Ended

[mellie427]

Character(s): Anyone who cares
Time: After school/5-ish
Location: Nurse's office, at the reception room

"I know it'll be several days without your pills, I think you can manage it. Just be careful, and remember, I'm here for you."

Hiromi sighed and gazed at the floor, sitting on one of the pastel blue chairs. Her hands were clasped in between her lap and she was swinging her lower legs slowly. Her shoulders were slumped and her face accompanied the definition of 'stressed', she looked stressed/incredibly sad.

"I'm calling the school, expect your medicine to be there in two days tops!" Her guardian/manager had told her over the phone.

Hiromi sighed again, sadly and took buried her head in her hands. She wasn't crying but she wanted to hide herself from the bright white lights of the nurse's office.
She wanted to hide herself from the world.

"Komachi Dao Ming?" A voice called. She lifted her head out of her hands and looked at the nurse at the counter. She was holding a white prescription bag with a receipt taped to it by a red sticker.
She groaned and got out of her chair, moving towards the counter.
"I'd prefer you call me Hiromi in Japan." She said irritated. She loved her Chinese name, a lot. It's just that she hated the thought of someone making fun of her name. Because she was part-Chinese, and they would most likely be Japanese, natural enemies, right?

"Alright, Ms. Komachi." The lady added a smile. She fully understood the girl's mind and went over the instructions of the bag to her. Twice a day, three times a week. She could take one every twelve hours.
And though she was a minor and should already know this, she couldn't take it with any alcoholic or caffeinated beverages.
She couldn't eat anything hard during six-ten hours of eating the pill, so she would have to resort to mushy foods like pudding, oatmeal, or whatever else.
Hiromi nodded, frowning.
"Sure." She replied indifferently.

"I'd like you to take one right when you get to your [dorm/apartment]. Do not throw this away." She warned.

Hiromi nodded, but had the exact thoughts of throwing her medicine away.
It was depressing to look at. It was depressing to look at the nurse.
It was stupid to stand. It was stupid to breathe.
Nothing mattered anymore.

Hiromi gave her an impolite wave and said nothing as she turned to walk to the door.

"Don't throw it away, Ms. Komachi!" She called out again. "This is your life!" She stressed the last word a little gravely with concern, however, at the same time, she wouldn't want a dead actress' body on her hands.

But she would, unless somebody actually reached down to help her.

[Erik]

Rei was headed toward the nurse's office hoping to find the nurse to be young and gorgeous. Walking with this little fantasy in his head he didn't realize a girl was walking out and he bumped straight into her.

Feeling terrible that his day dream caused him to potentially harm someone who was already either sick or hurt, he quickly grabbed the girl's shoulders to make sure she didn't lose her balance. "I am terribly sorry miss...are you alright? I don't know where my mind was..." He said with a most concerned expression.

Realizing his hands were still on her shoulders he removed them slowly and put them at his sides sheepishly.

[mellie427]

Hiromi was looking down and did not even notice someone was walking in front of her. When she bumped into him, she let out a small 'oof', but that was it. She didn't show any other emotion involving the run in.

Hiromi sighed and kept her eyes down, her frown still on her face, she shook her head.

"Just leave me alone." She said and started walking away from him.

And she took this run-in as a perfect chance to ditch her medicine.

[Erik]

Rei rubbed the back of his head as he watched the girl storm off. He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. He found something he didn't remember being there, he pulled it out and looked at it...pills? He read over it, trying to find a name.

He found his target, Hiromi Komachi. 'she must have dropped it when I bumped into her' he thought, 'she's probably going to want this!' He felt guilt running over him and he ran down the hall in the direction Hiromi went in, shouting, "Ms. Komachi! Please wait, you dropped something!"

[mellie427]

She sighed, she didn't even know what to think anymore. She was so tired too, but she couldn't find the strength to feel like going in her bed and falling asleep.

In all honesty, she wanted to kill herself right now.
She needed her medicine, but obviously wouldn't take it. The nurse was foolish into trusting Hiromi to take it herself.
She hoped Mr. Renjiro wouldn't go after her, but her fears were dispelled as he shouted for her. She groaned and didn't know what to do anymore.

Should she run? Should she ignore him? Maybe she should just take it from him and throw it away?

As she thought, she stopped in place and could not realize her internal clock and thoughts were slowing than any others'.

[Erik]

When Rei finally caught up to Hiromi he took a deep breath and smiled at her. She appeared to be deep in thought, although he felt bad breaking her train of thought, he felt the item she dropped was important to her.

"I think you may have dropped this when I bumped into you back there...I'm terribly sorry about that." He held the medicine out for her to take and then put on a more serious expression and tone. "I'm also sorry because I read what it was for. I understand that I'm your teacher and you might not think of me for such, but, I'm here if you ever need someone to talk with."

He knew she probably needed to take the pills now and he was interrupting her from doing so. "Please, if you need something to wash those down with, I had bought a drink earlier but never got around to opening, it's in my classroom if you want it, what do ya say? Its the least I can do for wasting so much of your time."

[mellie427]

She just stared at her as he gave her the medicine, she was overworking her brain with a hundred other thoughts, and all her body wanted to do was go to sleep, but her nervous system wouldn't allow her. Today was her fifth day without the medicine, and the affects were obviously taking a toll, however, it was getting worse each few minutes. Her brain started to relay memories of her mother and her hardest times in her life. Now, Hiromi couldn't understand what he was getting at, and instead seeing his words through her mind's eye. She thought he was trying to stop her from killing herself and seeing her mom, he thought she was trying to keep her on Earth so that she could just live a miserable life playing out characters she would never be, in a world she belonged but hated, because she couldn't live without her one support. She would really appreciate it later, but the Hiromi in front of her math teacher overworked her brain and didn't have the ability to follow any instructions. She shook her head, at the end, pausing a moment to comprehend what he was saying. Her head hurt, her eyes hurt, she felt pressure in her joints and back.

"Mother...?" She mumbled as he told her she could talk to him about her depression. And a look of her old spirit ten hours ago shone through her eyes, but was quickly replaced with her newer fatigue and depression. But then she shook her head vehemently. "You don't understand me! You don't get it! There's nothing in life for me to live with anymore!"

All of this was a clear warning that she needed her medicine. Now.
It was lucky that Hiromi hadn't brought a knife or anyhting sharp with her to the nurse's office or had the mental/will power to go jump off a building at the moment.

[Erik]

Rei frowned when she didn't take the medicine from him or respond immediately. He grew more worried when she referred to him as Mother. He could tell the signs and knew she hadn't taken her medicine. He didn't need to scare her or make her angry right now, he just needed to calm her down.

"So help me understand you. Help me get it and I promise you I will help you find something worth living for, deal? Now lets go to my classroom and talk this over...okay?" He held his hand out to her cautiously for her to take, hoping she didn't take any of that the wrong way.

[mellie427]

She frowned at Mr. Renjiro. Well, in her mind, she only saw the spirit of her mother. But she felt as if she were in a dream. No, she felt as if she were a little kid again, and her mother was there, talking to her and encouraging her in everything but acting.

She knew that her mother would only want her to get better, she would want to know what was wrong with her, no matter how much Hiromi ignored her and denied her ill-being. She started crying, but nodded, and took Rei's hand, while following him. She would tell him inside 'the classroom'. She wondered, why her mother had a classroom anyways.

In a sense, she did look like a little kid again. Crying while holding her mother's hand. Except it was actually Rei's hand, so it would be the opposite in reality.

[Erik]

Rei was glad when Hiromi took his hand and he led her to his room as quietly as he could, she probably didn't want anyone to see her like this. Once they arrived he led her to his desk and let her sit in his chair.

He walked over to his mini fridge and pulled out the soda he had left there. He popped open the bag of medicine and read the dosage on it. Making sure he had the right amount, he opened the soda and walked back over to Hiromi, handing her both the medicine and the soda with a smile.

"This will help, sweetie, I promise." He used the fact that she was seeing him as her mother to attempt to sway her to take the medicine.

[mellie427]

She sat in the chair and slumped her shoulders, kicking her legs a little, looking like the little kid she was. She frowned and looked back up at [him] her mother's spirit.

"I miss you." She sniffled. "You're gone. And dad was always gone. I miss you both."

She nodded and took the drink and the pill in her hands, but didn't drink it yet, still frowning, but the corners of her lips lifted just a bit more to lessen the frown. She was happy [Mr. Renjiro] her mom cared for her so much even in death.

"I wish you guys were here. I still can't make any friends, mom. I put on this stupid disguise, and I think I finally got what I wanted.
But it's not the same, right?" She laughed sadly at herself. "Isolation isn't any better than attention-hogging.
But I know you never wanted me to act. Maybe become an engineer or a doctor...but I just couldn't."
She rambled on and on about private details she wouldn't admit to anyone alive. "My movie in America went great. It'll be out in half a year. I wonder if you can see it. That would make me happy. I think I did really good with this one."
She sighed. "And even though my manager's my new guardian, I still don't think anyone can replace you. There's a nice lady who teaches Performing Arts. Her name is Ms. Kashino, she kind of reminds me of you. I wish she was my new guardian, but I can't change legal stuff now, can I? And I don't even know how to use all this stuff..."
She looked at the pill and the drink again. She put the pill in her mouth and swallowed it while drinking the soda. She continued to talk for a few minutes, talking about the random people she met and the classmates she saw the most or talked to her. "There's also my math teacher Mr. Renjiro, we bumped into each other a lot, but that's fine, I got to talk with him a lot. I think you'd like him, mom. He's a good teacher, actually my math teacher. Oh yeah, over here, I have to take normal subjects...so it's like I'm taking high school all over again! Mr. Renjiro's nice to talk to. I mean, he's the only person I talk to next to Ms. Kashino." She giggled a bit. "They're kind of like you and dad." She said and smiled, fully, the medicine starting to brighten her. "I wish they were my guardians!" She said and put her hands in the air happily. "I also met Japan's most famous teen idol, Ryuuji Ichinose. I think he's pretty cool. I hope we can become good friends. Though, I wish I weren't like him, in all honesty. Japan must be a suck-up just to see him smile. And I'd hate to live like that." She shook her head. "I just love acting, I know people would die for my movies and find me interesting, and..."
She yawned, the medicine was starting to act. "A lot of stuff happened since you died, mom. I just wish I could tell you all of it..but I'm getting kinda sleepy..."

She slowly stood up. "Can I still walk with you until I get to my dorm?" She obviously thought that no one could see her mom's spirit, and that she was imagining it. She couldn't see that the person standing in front of her was Mr. Renjiro, a clear male, who couldn't escort her to the Girl's Dorm. At least I think.

The important thing was that she got the medicine, and in a good night's sleep, everything would wash over, and she would see Mr. Renjiro as her teacher, not as her mom. The effects were already visible.

She walked forward, and waited for [him] her. She smiled back at [him] her mother.

[Erik]

As Hiromi spoke of her personal life, Rei listened to her, nodding and smiling. He felt guilty about listening to all the details but he had to play the role, hopefully she would understand when she was better.

As she took the pile he patted her head. "There, feeling better already, aren't you?" She began talking of all the people she met and Rei waited patiently for her to get to him, as terrible as it made him feel, he was curious. When she told her idea of him being her new guardian he flipped internally. He loved kids and he REALLY loved women but he wasn't ready to settle down with a family yet!

She asked him to walk her to her dorm and he didn't want to say no, but he didn't exactly like the idea of getting in trouble or being called some kind of pervert. Trying to outweigh one or the other, he sighed and knew he was going to hate his decision. "Sure darling, I'll stay with you as long as you need me." He was already regretting his answer as it left his lips.

[mellie427]

Hiromi smiled at [his] her mother's answer. "Thanks, Mom." She said and started walking, taking his wrist and dragging [him] her mother with her out of the door.

As they walked, she kept her silence, but smiled, just savoring the time she had with [him] her mother. That, and that she was really too tired to talk anymore.

And once they reached the entrance to, not the girls' dorms, but a seperate area near the staff dorms, she stopped and turned around to face [him] her mother.
"This isn't the girls' dorm, I'm staying here until I find an apartment with the help of Ms. Kashino, she's so nice! Or I might stay in the dorms...what do you think, mom?" She asked.

She shook her head before [he] she could answer. "Okay, mom, I really feel like I could pass out right now. So good night mom!" She said and tackled [him] her into a hug. "Will I ever see you again?"

[Erik]

As she took his wrist and dragged him out of the room, he couldn't help but smile. Maybe having a kid wasn't such a bad idea. He shook his head coming back to the situation he was currently in, he had to find a way to not go into the girl's dorm without hurting Hiromi's feelings. He used her silence as a good time to think of a plan.

Then he realized they were heading to a building near the staff dorm, and he let out an inaudible sigh of relief, he didn't have to worry quite so much now. As they stopped at the entrance, she turned to face him and gave her reason for staying here. He nodded as she posed her question. He felt like a little piece of him died every time she called him 'mom', he knew she must miss her a lot.

Before he could answer she wished him goodnight and tackled him into a hug. He froze for a second with his arms out stretched before hugging her back and letting one single tear roll down his cheek. The next question she asked threw him for a loop, he had no idea how to answer that properly.

He bent down to her level to look directly into her eyes and put one hand on her head. "I don't know, dear. I do know that I love you. Remember that I will be watching over you always and no matter what happens, I'll always be proud of you." He attempted to smile, but his own guilt for trying to impersonate her mother was killing him. "Goodnight, Hiromi. Sleep well."

He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep right for the next few days because of this moment, his mind would never allow it.

[mellie427]

Hiromi did miss her mother. Explains the depression. She felt all the bad things she did when she did as a kid, all the things she hated and threw in her mother's face, all the gratitude she wasted, all the help she never listened to, all the fights, all the good memories, the times they'd laugh, the times she'd come home crying because people would make fun of her for being the youngest kid in their whole high school, just everything. All of it crashed down onto her when her mother died. Her whole psychology reversed for an entire three days, and was almost put in a traumatic rehabilitation center due to her inconsistancy to follow directions and asinine attempts at killing herself like refusing to breathe or eat. She didn't even want to act anymore, if it would bring her mother back to life. She blamed everything on her.

Utlimately, her mother was everything to her. The only person she actually talked to personally besides her agent, alive. And so seeing [Rei] her mother's spirit after her death, served as a thoughtful closure on her psyche. And maybe her depression would end sooner. Hiromi actually felt at peace, and in her delirious and almost drunken state, felt truly happy. She hadn't for a long time.

She smiled as [he] her mother hugged her back. It felt just like old times, huh? As [he] she told her that [he] she wasn't sure about coming back, she nodded, understanding that her mother couldn't just come back to life whenever she wanted. But she was glad she was back to talk to her for these few hours. Before she went, he knelt down and put his head atop her head, and she felt incredibly weak and vulnerable. But she embraced that feeling, because she realized she was like this on the inside. She was still just a child.

"Îҷdz£¸Ð¡£ÖxÖx‹ŒÍí°²ºÃ¡£"[Wo feichang gan. Xiexie ma, wanan hao.] She said loudly one last time, in Chinese, her native tongue. Her mother was Chinese, after all.

She waved at [him] her mother one last time and walked through the door, finally letting go of [Rei] someone she loved.i] She said loudly one last time, in Chinese, her native tongue.

She waved at [him] her mother one last time and walked through the door, finally letting go of [Rei] someone she loved. As they did say, "If you love something, let it go."