July 12/ Practicing/ PG-13/ Closed

[alyssa]

Character(s): Mayumi Yoshida & Kakeru Shizuma
Time: Early evening.
Location: Music Room.


Clutching her notebook tightly to her chest, Mayumi made her way to the music room for her scheduled practice. She knew her way around the building fairly well now, which meant looking at her feet while she walked was completely acceptable.

She wouldn't admit it to herself, but Mayumi was incredibly nervous. She hadn't spoken to - let alone, seen - Kakeru since their odd meeting in the Music Hall almost two weeks ago.

They were supposed to get together sooner, but... well, Mayumi had been busy and her writers block was acting up again, which, in turn, made her angry and no one needed to be around her when she was angry.

I'm surprised people still want to be around me period, Mayumi thought.

Heaving a sigh, Mayumi looked up at the music room door. The urge to run away and claim to be busy again hit her hard. She didn't know why, but she wasn't looking forward to this anymore. She felt awkward and shy and she wanted it to go away. Her limbs moved without the say-so of her brain and, seconds later, she was in the music room staring at the large piano again. Her nerves started to ebb slowly, and she looked around the room to discover that she was alone.

Relieved, Mayumi walked quickly toward the piano and sat down - crossing her legs under her again - on the bench. Her notebook fell from her grasp, tumbling to the bench as well, and she flipped it open. Her scribbles and half-finished songs stared up at her. She glared back.

As she sat, waiting for Kakeru to show up, Mayumi wondered how long she would wait before her nervousness took over and she felt the need to flee again. Her resolve glued her to the seat, but she didn't believe it would last long.

[bella]

Running a nervous hand through his raven colored hair, Kakeru couldn't help but feel completely flustered and beyond nervous as he quickly walked towards the music room. As ashamed as he was to admit it, the boy was running a tad bit late to his first piano lesson with Mayumi. Which was why he was walking as fast as possible without breaking into a full blown sprint towards the music room.

After turning a familiar corner and coming upon the music room's door opened, the young teenager stopped his quick strides as he hesitantly walked towards the opened door. Kakeru couldn't even lie to himself. He was completely nervous for this first piano lesson. It had been at least two weeks ago when Mayumi has said she wouldn't mind helping the boy on the piano. They had originally set the first practice session for a date closer to their first meeting, but Mayumi had pushed it back, saying that she was busy. The thing was, Kakeru couldn't blame her either. He noticed that most of the people he had befriended were busy at all times, from school to keeping up their social status.

Though, that hadn't been Kakeru's case at all. In fact, besides going out to his classes and to eat, Kakeru didn't need to go out of his dorm too often. He really wasn't as busy as any of his friends, not having to keep up social statuses, attending clubs, or needing to study to for some subject. Usually, because of his empty schedule, he would practice the cello and read all he wanted in his dorm. Though, he did venture out of his dorm because of boredom.

Kakeru suddenly realized that his feet had brought him to stand awkwardly in the doorway of the music room. Looking up from the ground, he saw Mayumi sitting on the piano's bench. Gathering up the small amount of courage he had, Kakeru walked shakily over to the piano and the girl sitting on it's bench. From what he could tell, the girl was to absorbed into her thoughts to hear his footsteps approaching. Tentatively biting his lip as he contemplated what to say, the shy boy finally decided to speak.

"Ma-...Mayumi? I-I'm h-here... S-Sorry if... if I k-kept you w-waiting."

ooc; I am so sorry I didn't reply earlier to this. I've been having internet connections and such. Though that doesn't make up for how late I replied to this and I'm really, really[/i] sorry. ;__;[/size]

[alyssa]

"Ma-...Mayumi? I-I'm h-here... S-Sorry if... if I k-kept you w-waiting."

Hearing another voice, Mayumi jerked her head up from her notebook. Her gazed settled on the boy standing in the doorway. Familiar black hair and timid stance... A half-smile tugged at her lips, but Mayumi wasn't comfortable with seeming to eager. She hardly knew the boy, and since it looked like she hadn't scared him off like she told Ayame she did, that wasn't going to be her first order of business.

"Hi," Mayumi said, blinking at the boy. "And you didn't - I've only been here for a few minutes."

Why the hell was she so nervous? Mayumi didn't understand. She didn't... Didn't know what to say, or do, for a long moment, which seemed to be happening to her more often than not these days, as well. If she were alone, she would have pouted at her stupidity, but, instead, her gaze flitted around the room as she searched for the words she wanted.

Mayumi beckoned him inside the room, asking, "How have you been, Kakeru?" and closing her notebook in front of her.


(OOC: It's fine! I completely understand! :] )

[bella]

Kakeru saw the half smile that crossed over his companion's lips and he felt completely at ease. He didn’t have a clue as to why, but Mayumi’s presence was comforting to him in a way. Though, the boy could tell that Mayumi seemed tense and uncomfortable herself. Which of course, he hadn’t expected. Although this was the two’s second meeting, Kakeru could tell right off the bat that Mayumi couldn’t be fazed by mostly anything. That’s why he was slightly shocked that the older girl looked nervous instead of eager to help him on the piano.

"Hi, and you didn't - I've only been here for a few minutes." The raven haired teen let out a sigh of relief as he scratched his head and looked at the floor. Looking back up, he gave her a curt nod with flushed cheeks, instead of words, not necessarily trusting his voice at the moment. Though, his voice always did seem to betray him and he always[/I] ended up stuttering out of nervousness or embarrassment. Mayumi motioned him forward, and he shyly walked towards where she sat on the piano bench. "How have you been, Kakeru?"

Now sitting down next to Mayumi on the piano bench, he answered quietly. “I-I’m doing g-good, I-I guess. I-I haven’t run into a-anyone excessively r-rude or m-mean, which is a-a plus.” Kakeru turned to look at Mayumi, a shy smile gracing his features. Tilting his head lightly to the left he spoke again. “W-What a-about you, M-Mayumi? How h-have y-you been?”

[alyssa]

Mayumi watched cautiously as the younger boy moved toward her. Her stomach did a funny little flip when he was finally close enough to sit down. He smiled shyly, cocking his head to the side.

“W-What a-about you, M-Mayumi? How h-have y-you been?” Kakeru stuttered, looking at her as he spoke.

Her cheeks started to turn a bit pink as he looked at her. Mayumi moved her gaze to her lap again. Since she had told Ayame about her... crush, for lack of a better term, Mayumi had been trying to figure out a way to subtly convey it to Kakeru, as well. So far, she hadn't thought of a single way to do so.

"I've been alright." she said, placing an elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand. "I moved dorms, but other than that, nothing particularly exciting has happened."

She shrugged a shoulder, watching Kakeru again. Mayumi didn't know what to make of his actions or expressions anymore. Though she never really believed that she could, and that's what drew her to him in the first place.

"Uh... I couldn't find anything interesting in the way of sheet music at the library, so I brought some of my stuff," Mayumi told him, moving her free hand to tap a few of the piano's keys. "I mean, the things I've written. I hope that's okay."

[bella]

He couldn’t help but intently watch Mayumi as she seemed to move her gaze from him to her lap. In all honesty, Kakeru was puzzled by the way she was acting. Mayumi really did [/I] seem more uncomfortable around him than the first time they met. Could it be that the girl didn‘t like Kakeru at all, and didn‘t want to tutor him on the piano? The raven haired teen sucked in a breath at that thought. That would explain why the girl seemed nervous and uncomfortable around him.

With those thoughts, the teenager felt guilty for possibly making Mayumi feel uncomfortable around him. He did in fact like Mayumi a lot, and at the thought of him making her feel nervous because she didn’t want to be around him did make him feel like a horrible friend.

Breaking from thought, his emerald eye’s landed back on the girl sitting next to him, as it seemed she was about to speak. "I've been alright. I moved dorms, but other than that, nothing particularly exciting has happened." Kakeru silently nodded his head as a reply instead of speaking. He had a gut feeling that what ever he did say would make the situation uncomfortable, because his reply would be awkward. Kakeru turned his head abruptly away, his cheeks flushing at the fact that he knew he wouldn’t be able to speak without making the situation even more awkward.

"Uh... I couldn't find anything interesting in the way of sheet music at the library, so I brought some of my stuff," Turning his head back towards Mayumi as she spoke, he watched the girl use one of her hands to tap the keys on the piano. "I mean, the things I've written. I hope that's okay."

Clearing his throat, he turned his head away before speaking. “T-That’s per-perfectly f-fine actually,” Kakeru felt his cheeks darken as he continued to speak. “I-I’m j-just gl-glad that y-yo-you’re still wi-willing t-to teach me, Mayumi…”

[alyssa]

It seemed to Mayumi that Kakeru couldn't decided whether he wanted to look at her or not. His gaze shifted from her, to the piano, to something on the other side of him and back again before Mayumi could blink.

“T-That’s per-perfectly f-fine actually,” The boy's cheeks continued to grow darker. “I-I’m j-just gl-glad that y-yo-you’re still wi-willing t-to teach me, Mayumi…”

Mayumi smiled fondly at the boy, saying "I'm glad you still wanted to come," and watching as he turned his head away from her again. She felt the urge to grab his hand and tell him to not be so nervous, but she couldn't make herself move. Kakeru was only a few inches away, and Mayumi figured she could probably do it and pass it off as a friendly gesture if he didn't respond the same way.

"Dammit," Mayumi cursed quietly, straightening her back and reaching down for her notebook. She decided against telling Kakeru anything about how she felt - she shuddered thinking about it - and jumped right into showing him the song she had just finished the other day. "Um, here," Mayumi said, flipping to the right page in her notebook and shoving it at Kakeru.

The page was filled with scribbles and notes, and Mayumi had made her own bars and written in the keys herself. It looked like a mess, and she suddenly felt very exposed. Her words popped out at her, and the song was soon playing itself in her head.

I am caught adrift
in this foreign place
a sea of my own undoing
Overwhelmed and pulled under,
by the sullen savior hero
the tailor-bird genies
that hurt jazz player
a solitary man
perfect in their clever clichés
Awed by their defined identity,
While I search for a title of my own making.

She could only see the first verse from the angle the notebook was being held. Mayumi fought herself hard to snatch it back and forget that she'd show the words to anyone else, but she trusted Kakeru, or, at least, she believed she could. "Be kind," Mayumi told him, "You're the only person that's seen this."

Pressing down on the first few keys the melody required, Mayumi drew in a breath and waited for the dark-haired boy's response.

[bella]

After Mayumi had smiled at him, and told him that she was glad that he still wanted to come, Kakeru sharply turned his head the other way. His heartbeat kicked up a few notches as his face went completely red. Why was he suddenly so damn nervous and uncomfortable with the situation? Sure, he usually was nervous, but he hadn‘t been this nervous in a while. Shaking those thoughts from his head, the shy boy glanced at Mayumi. It was odd considering just a few seconds ago, he felt completely comfortable in Mayumi’s presence.

There was suddenly a notebook shoved in his lap, opened to a page. Emerald eyes studied the page, and Kakeru could tell that Mayumi had written everything in it. The bars and the key signatures, the notes and the lyrics. A discreet smile crossed his lips at how messy everything was. He read over the lyrics once, and couldn’t help the smile that grew. Kakeru knew that Mayumi obviously was an amazing musician, but he hadn’t expected the girl to be that[/I] amazing with lyrics too.

"Be kind. You're the only person that's seen this." Turning back the girl next to him, he watched as she pressed down on a few keys of the piano. A nervous feeling engulfed him as he opened his mouth to reply.

“I-I th-think it’s a-amazing M-Mayumi. T-The ly-lyrics ar-are great and the me-melody and h-harmony b-both se-seem p-perfect” Kakeru quickly felt his stomach flip as he stared at the piano keys in front of him. Nervously, he lifted his left hand up to run through his black hair. At the moment he really didn’t care if his hair looked like he just rolled out of bed. He just hoped he didn’t make Mayumi feel any more uncomfortable with his reply.

[alyssa]

Kakeru's voice seemed far away. “I-I th-think it’s a-amazing M-Mayumi. T-The ly-lyrics ar-are great and the me-melody and h-harmony b-both se-seem p-perfect,” he spoke as quietly as ever, running a through his messy hair.

Exhaling slowly, Mayumi's tiny smile reappeared. She hadn't expected Kakeru to say anything mean or awful about her writing - he wasn't that kind of person - but it still scared her to share things like that with other people. Her most personal, private possession currently sat, open, in the younger boy's lap.

"I wouldn't say 'perfect,' but thank you. That actually means a lot," she said, her voice taking on its regular tone again.

Thinking about that made her uneasy again, and she had to force herself to calm down. She hated this. Mayumi felt like the uncomfortable air in the room was her own doing... well, she knew it was her fault. She was making the situation awkward with all the thinking she was doing about her feelings.

When had she lapsed out of control of them? Not even a week ago, Mayumi had easily convinced herself that having those feelings was a pointless thing to do and would get her nowhere. What had changed? It seemed that the boy next to her felt very little - if not nothing - for her, and realizing this brought Mayumi's brain back in to control.

"Do you want to attempt playing it? You don't have to sing or anything - the lyrics are kind of girly, anyway." said the dark-haired girl, the joking air one used with friends was slowly filtering back in to the music room. Mayumi reached down and carefully plucked the notebook from Kakeru's lap and placing it on the stand in front of them.


(OOC: For a song reference, I was listening to this song on repeat while I wrote that poem/verse, so I guess the melody would sound something like that?)

[bella]

"I wouldn't say 'perfect,' but thank you. That actually means a lot."

Kakeru turned his head to look at the black haired girl, a small smile gracing his lips at her words. He was glad that at least he could tell Mayumi the truth about her music, and that she accepted the compliment somewhat, instead of brashly denying it. “It-… It’s n-not a problem, M-Mayumi” he mumbled shyly. Nervously, the younger boy raised a hand to scratch his head. He could tell that Mayumi seemed to be back to normal and not so uncomfortable. However, he felt his stomach flip from nervousness. Kakeru had no idea as to why he was so flustered now, when he was so comfortable minutes ago. Shaking away all the uncomfortable feelings, Kakeru turned his head back to Mayumi as she began to speak.

"Do you want to attempt playing it? You don't have to sing or anything - the lyrics are kind of girly, anyway." Mayumi seemed to be back to normal to Kakeru while she said that, and he noticed that the atmosphere began to change immediately.

Biting his lip and glancing away, Kakeru was faced with a decision. Not a life threatening one, thankfully, just a simple one. Singing in front of Mayumi. Now to any normal person this would seem silly and childish to be fretting over singing in front of someone. To Kakeru though, it was important. He was, and always will be, an incredibly shy boy. Which meant that it would be incredibly embarrassing to him to sing in front of anyone. Kakeru felt that he was indebted to the girl though. The raven haired boy had overheard Mayumi sing without her consent, and she hadn’t yelled at him too much, unlike other people who had. Which made the boy feel so comfortable around Mayumi, and that was why he realized he wouldn't mind singing in front of her.

Turning away from Mayumi, the boy began to ramble on. “I-I would l-love to attempt t-to play it M-Mayumi… a-and I wouldn’t m-mind si-singing e-either… I-I mean if y-y-you don’t m-mind t-that is…B-But I-I totally u-understand I-if you d-do mind, t-th-this is p-piano less-lessons a-an-and…” Kakeru had trailed awkwardly towards the end. A bright blush had consumed his cheeks because of how awkwardly he had ended it. Glancing back at Mayumi, he timidly awaited her answer

(ooc; Ah, that song’s great for the melody. I am so sorry if Kakeru came off more derpy and shy than usual. I kind of … rushed it.)

[alyssa]

“I-I would l-love to attempt t-to play it M-Mayumi… a-and I wouldn’t m-mind si-singing e-either… I-I mean if y-y-you don’t m-mind t-that is…" he stuttered, not meeting her gaze again. "B-But I-I totally u-understand I-if you d-do mind, t-th-this is p-piano less-lessons a-an-and…” He trailed off, glancing at the girl to his left.

Mayumi nodded, her smile suddenly replaced by a slightly worried look. He... he wanted to sing the song she had written? It's too messy, she told herself, the lyrics don't make sense! All of her jumbled, angry and annoyed thoughts were taking the form of an angry beast and she felt the sudden urge to get out.

What was she thinking? Kakeru liked the song, enough to tell her he thought it was 'perfect.' Inwardly, she scoffed at that.

"It's fine, go ahead and sing it if you'd like." she told him, tilting her head toward the notebook. "The lyrics are kind of... girly, I guess, so fair warning."

The dark-haired girl swayed in her seat, swinging her legs over the bench to face the ivory keys. Her eyes moved nervously to her right, looking at the blushing boy again. She'd written the song in a flash, and some parts were less subtle than others. Mayumi very rarely forced her feelings into song form, but this was one of the times that she did, and one of the feelings she had shoved into the song was her attraction to the boy next to her.

Mayumi sighed to herself, copying an action of Kakeru's and running her hand through the ends of her hair, draping it over her left shoulder and out of the boy's way, just in case. She didn't want to move from the bench, mainly because the heat radiating from Kakeru was comforting, and she wanted a close seat to this event - the first time she would hear the boy sing.

Taking a deep breath, Mayumi turned to him and tried to smile encouragingly. "Whenever you're ready."


(OOC: I am a big ball of stupid tonight, and this reply was kind of rushed as well :c That poem doesn't have a second verse, either, so I'm sorry about that, too!)

[bella]

Upon hearing Mayumi’s reply, Kakeru felt a wave of relief was over him. Although he still felt absolutely nervous, he somehow felt much more comfortable. He wasn’t completely sure as to why though. It could have been because Mayumi said it was fine for him to sing, when Kakeru really did want to sing for the girl. Looking to the left, he took another glance at Mayumi as she seemed to run a hand through the ends of her hair.

Kakeru continued to watch Mayumi even as she turned to him. The upperclassman gave him an encouraging smile. "Whenever you're ready." Kakeru sheepishly smiled back at Mayumi as his cheeks warmed up from the girls smile and his heart rate picked up. He nodded his head quickly as a reply, attempting to avoid all eye contact with Mayumi.

Awkwardly, Kakeru turned to face the piano. His face still flushed lightly red. ‘Why am I… so flustered and uncomfortable again?

Letting out a sigh, the boy looked at the notebook sitting on the piano’s stand. After seeing what Major the piece was written in, and positioning his hands in the right place, Kakeru let his fingers hover over the keys before swiftly starting to play the song. When the lyrics came into view, Kakeru nervously started to sing.

(ooc; Ah, don’t worry Alyssa! Your replies are always so nice~ And don’t worry about that either sweetheart. It doesn’t need a second verse. I am sorry it's so short, by the way. I had no idea what else to write |

[alyssa]

The dark-haired boy hesitated for a moment before playing the first few keys and, after only another moment, launching right in to the song. Kakeru's voice was lovely, just as Mayumi had thought it would be, but even better.

She smiled softly, watching the boy play her song and sing her lyrics. It gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling deep inside. For a very long time, Mayumi believed that she was the only person meant to play or sing her songs, but she was slowly realizing that that wasn't the case at all.

Though she was still skeptical about showing anyone else her notebooks, Mayumi was glad that she had found at least one person that she could show, and, given the opportunity, would do her songs justice.

Her smiled remained in place until the boy finished the song, then it turned it to an almost-grin. She turned on the bench again, tucking her right leg under her.

"You really are amazing," Mayumi told him, her cheeks slightly pink at giving the boy a compliment so openly. She liked that she wanted to be nice to him, that was a good feeling, as well. "I may be wording this wrong, but I'm really happy that I can share these things with you, Kakeru." She gestured toward the notebook.

Another song entered Mayumi's mind - a melody that matched her smile but filled with words that weren't hers. She felt like playing something upbeat and letting herself smile and be in a good mood for a while, but the cold realization that the feelings she had cast away were coming back finally sunk in and Mayumi threw her gaze back down to her lap, her grin slowly becoming a shy smile again.

The dark haired girl quickly shook herself from the bad feeling. She was in good company, and having a good time, there was no need for that, she knew, but Mayumi felt awkward for a second time that evening, like a grade-school girl that was too shy to look her crush in the eye for fear that they may figure her out. She blushed a light pink, looking from her lap to the keys.

"Is there anything else you'd like to practice? I have a couple more songs in there if you want to try those...?"

[bella]

Once Kakeru’s fingers played the last notes of the song, the raven turned to Mayumi. He noticed right away, the smile on her face. The younger teen felt his stomach flip, and shakily he brought his hands back to rest in his lap.

"You really are amazing," Upon hearing Mayumi’s words, Kakeru blushed heavily and raised a hand behind his neck flustered. He had no idea as to how to respond to such kind words. Never once had he been complimented by someone who wasn‘t related to him. "I may be wording this wrong, but I'm really happy that I can share these things with you, Kakeru." Mayumi gestured towards the notebook, and Kakeru timidly smiled.

“I-I… I’m g-glad your w-willing to sh-share on-one of your m-most pr-prized possessions with me, Mayumi. Y-Your mu-music is… is a-amazing.” Kakeru mumbled this shyly as he turned his head away from Mayumi. It felt so nice to be in Mayumi’s presence. Although, he was so absolutely nervous, Mayumi did help him feel comfortable somehow. She made Kakeru feel at peace, in a way.

Kakeru nervously looked back at Mayumi, catching sight of the light pink her cheeks were. To say the least, Kakeru was once again thoroughly confused. ‘Is Mayumi alright? Or… is… is she not feeling good? Could she be sick? Maybe… Maybe I should ask her. I don’t want to annoy her if… if she’s not feeling well.’[/b]

Mayumi spoke clearly, interrupting Kakeru‘s endless thoughts of if the girl was alright. "Is there anything else you'd like to practice? I have a couple more songs in there if you want to try those...?"

Biting his lip, Kakeru debated on whether or not he should say yes. He truly didn’t want to impose on Mayumi, especially if she was feeling sick. But, something inside of him wanted him to stay next to the older teenager. Really, Kakeru was confused at the moment. He had no idea of what to make of these feelings. Stumped, the raven glanced back at Mayumi.

“A-Actually M-Mayumi… I-I would love to pra-practice m-more of y-your songs. B-But I-if you’re n-not up f-for it, or y-you h-have t-to go s-somewhere, I do-don’t mind p-picking this u-up another t-time. I-I really don’t w-want to impose.” Kakeru gave a small to Mayumi. His cheeks tinted red.

[alyssa]

The boy responded, “A-Actually M-Mayumi… I-I would love to pra-practice m-more of y-your songs. B-But I-if you’re n-not up f-for it, or y-you h-have t-to go s-somewhere, I do-don’t mind p-picking this u-up another t-time. I-I really don’t w-want to impose.” And sent Mayumi a small, still-blushing smile.

She nodded once, glad again that he didn't want to leave just yet, her own little grin remaining in place as she did so. The awkward air between them had returned, and Mayumi was struggling to remember how to pull herself out of it. She tapped the tips of her shoes against her leg and on the floor.

Piano, she reminded herself, piano practice. That's what we're here for, anyway. Nothing else. So stop being stupid. Stop.

The dark-haired girl steeled herself for impact - as if merely reaching over to flip the pages of the notebook was akin to falling, or jumping, from a building's rooftop. She flipped past sketches she'd done while waiting in class the day before, and small journal entries she hadn't meant to put in that notebook.

When she turned the last few pages, Mayumi let out a small, satisfied chuckle, finally finding the song she had written just that morning - around five, when it had barely been light out and what little, grey October light there was had been filtering through the bottom of the blinds in her dorm. She had awoken, startled, from a... very odd dream involving a faceless singing man.

Even thinking about it then felt unnerving. But Mayumi had only once been asked how she drew inspiration, and had no plans of explaining the dream to anyone.

Looking toward Kakeru - his face still slightly flushed - and nodding towards the notebook, Mayumi told him, "I wrote this this morning, pretending my desk was a piano to figure out the melody." She smiled lightly, the memory of that morning returning again. Trying not to wake Ayame as she had been writing.

Her words spread before her face once again:

His voice is an orchestra with broken violins,
something I cannot bear to hear but
something I cannot plead away
In a dream he stabbed my chest,
like reaching through water in the bath,
with his heavy fist
Out came my heart,
I became lighter,
a dead mourning dove’s feather in the lawn.
Standing over a bridge
we tossed it away into the ocean,
over my shoulder
although he didn’t witness it
two blinks of his eyelashes,
keeping closed for too long,
and my heart was already at the bottom


Mayumi read over them quickly, her embarrassment growing. It somehow hadn't dawned on her that this song may have been a bit - a lot - more odd to Kakeru than it was to her. The lyrics were eerie and pulled forth a gruesome mental image of someone quite literally stabbing her in the chest and taking her heart out. The dark-haired girl's shoulders dropped in defeat. "Really, you don't have to play that one!" she said, standing quickly from the bench, her eyes moving around the room, searching, "I'm sure there is other sheet music around here somewhere..."


(OOC: Melodies are kind of non-existent for this one :/ I was listening to this and this when I wrote it though.)