9 August / BATTLE OF THE KITCHEN / R / ENDED

[cafeteria gentleman]

Characters: Kous Damon, Akira Kuroki
Time: 8 pm
Location: Uranus where do you think its in the cafeteria forum and says kitchen in the title gosh
RATED R FOR REALLY SEXY OKAY


A rumor had been spreading around the staff of Aozora, namely the kitchen staff. It was a dastardly rumor. Said rumor was that one of the janitors was going to take on the kitchen and clean it himself.

None of this boded well with Kous, the one that ran the kitchen. It was his domain. His little secret sanctum in the hell that was ungrateful snotty highschool students. Only he trusted himself with the kitchen and would not allow anyone to fuck things up with it. Not even its own staff.

All day Kous had been looming over the kitchen and the cafeteria waiting for the person who dared to challenge the cleanliness of the kitchen. Making the staff work in fear of a sudden outburst all day.

Right now he was seated on top of one of the tables, his fingers woven together in front of his mouth as he glared at the double doors that led into the cafeteria. He had the lunch ladies poised at all other entrances so that nothing would get past him.

It had been all day and there was no sign of the janitor. Kous wouldn't leave it past the person to sneak in during the dead of night. But unfortunately for them he was ready to stay up all night for this confrontation.

[adachi]

Kous - Coos, Klaus, whatever the lunch-man-lady's name was - was somewhat of a drama queen and thought the school's kitchen was his own personal sanctuary. The itinerary he'd received when he'd first moved on campus was quite clear in that he was responsible for cleaning every damn nook and cranny at Aozora, and while Kush - is that it? - did a fairly good job of presenting his workspace as spotless, there were plenty of infectious beasts hidden beneath his cutesy little facade. Akira would be damned if he let any of them live while he was on the job.

Even from afar the horrors of a room that had not been meticulously cleaned were apparent; there were microscopic dust mites hanging around and plenty of other unsavory pathogens that would no doubt turn any student into a tornado of vomit and diarrhea upon ingestion. No fucking way. Akira was the one who would have to clean it all up.

Akira couldn't help but chuckle a little to himself as he shoved his omni-key into the lock of the kitchen's back door, quietly entering the room with his janitorial equipment in tow. Posting workers at all the doors except the one that was normally locked was pointless when the person you were trying to keep out had access to every single room on campus. "Fuck..." he muttered, just now noticing that he'd forgotten to change out of his teacher clothes and into his janitor ones.

The first wheel of his cart made it over the bump between the hall and the small, secluded kitchen; but the back wheels slammed up against it a little too hard, windex bottles and brooms and various other things he needed to do his job clanging up against each other. "Shit!" Akira winced as a rather heavy metal trash can fell on his foot. Well, there went his cover.

[cafeteria gentleman]

Clanging and banging disturbed the eerie quiet that had surrounded the cafeteria. Kous' blue-green eyes narrowed in the direction of the kitchen. With a huff he got up from his position and stomped towards the area.

"God, Gladys, I told you to stay in your position," Kous yelled as he rounded the corner. But instead of finding the plump little old lunch lady he found a lanky man around his age. His eyes narrowed into slits as he spied the janitor cart. "You," Kous said in a low tone. He placed his hands on his hips in a prissy manner as he looked the man up and down. "So you're the punk that thinks he can fuck with my kitchen?" he shot haughtily.

Just then a small grotesque woman came up and towards the back of Kous. Her fading blonde perm bounced as she hesitatingly made her way over.

"I-Is that the man, Mr. Damon?" she stuttered as her chubby hand touched his back. "Yes, Porsha," Kous replied through gritted teeth, "Now, get your hand off of me." He turned to give her a harsh look, but his eyes locked onto the obscene amount of cat hair that was resting on her torso.

Immediately he gripped her shoulders and pushed her out of view from the janitor. Kous leaned down and hissed into her ear, "Dammit Porsha, we're trying to get rid of the janitor not give him more of a reason to be here!"

[adachi]

The name Gladys inspired a laugh from deep within Akira’s chest - any bastard that names their child THAT is dooming them to a life of being a lunchlady - but his iron will stifled it as he glanced over the effeminate, sassy-looking head cook whose name he still could not recall. His hands were on his hips and he gave the distinct impression that he’d walked straight out of some sort of grotesque, underground gothic magazine. What a flake.

Akira snorted, biting back a caustic comment directed towards the chubby lady that had found her way inside - her moustache was so thick, so forest-like. He wondered whether she actually had any skin above her lip or if it was just hair between the outside and her teeth.

He was still smirking after Koos threw the nasty little woman out of the back kitchen, door slamming behind her. “You let your staff get away with having pedostaches and you don’t expect me to show up?” Akira yanked his itinerary out of his pocket. On a tiny slip of paper, he’d laminated it to make sure that harm never came its way. Not that that would have mattered: he had plenty of extra copies back in his office. “Good lord, What’s-Your-Name. Kush. Koos. I can’t remember. I’d expect better.”

From the his cart, Akira pulled out a mop, letting the fabric part soak in the bucket of extra-strength cleaner he’d brought. “Cleaning this shit’s my job, thank you very much. Now if you’ll kindly show yourself out the door, I have work to do.”

[cafeteria gentleman]

The muffled sounds of the man's laughter and snorting pissed Kous off. His biting remarks enraged him further. He straightened his back and turned. The door of the kitchen peaked open as the rest of the kitchen staff tried to get a look to see the throw down that was becoming inevitable.

“You let your staff get away with having pedostaches and you don’t expect me to show up?” the man smirked.
"Porsha can't help what nature hands her," Kous said stiffly and adding under his breath, "After all, I've tried to get rid of it." But man, was this janitor something. Getting him to defend Porsha when he hated her and her mustache with every fiber of his being. She was incompetent- not even able tell a spatula from a knife-, but she stuck around because she was with Lunch Ladies United or some other kind of work union.

Porsha was probably overhearing his defending her and swooning at the thought. Later she would track him down to give him a big fat hairy kiss. Kous almost vomited at the thought, but the janitor was here- who was currently flipping through an itinerary.

“Good lord, What’s-Your-Name. Kush. Koos. I can’t remember. I’d expect better.”
"Ka-ows*," he gritted, trying to pronounce it for the man, "It's Kous." He ignored that last part of the remark while his hands fidgeted to grab hold of something to hit the man with. Kous sucked in a deep breath as he saw the mop being dipped in cleaning agent. “Cleaning this shit’s my job, thank you very much. Now if you’ll kindly show yourself out the door, I have work to do,” the janitor said smugly.

Finally, Kous let out the breath he had been holding when his hands found an object to beat the janitor with. He held a rolling pin (a cliché, but it would do) and swiftly battered the man's hands away from the cart. "There's no shit in my kitchen," he spat, "So would you show yourself out the door." A collection of excited gasps came from behind the kitchen doors.

[Even I don't know how to pronounce his name. Google translate says it like "cows" but in a hard drawn out way idk]

[adachi]

Akira winced as the rolling pin collided with his fingers, the itinerary slipping to the ground. Rubbing his aching hands together, he glared at the man in front of him. "Wow." He rolled his eyes, making an incredible effort to stop himself from dumping a bucket of dirty mop water on his pretty little head. "I figured you were a drama queen, but fuck, hitting me with a rolling pin?" A sigh escaped his lips as he bent down to pick up the fallen slip of paper, placing it arbitrarily on the cart. "What are you, twelve?"

The mop had finished soaking in cleaner, and it was with an air of prideful defiance that Akira pulled it out, relishing in the way the liquid spilled onto the floor to brutalize all of the horrid little germs camping out there. A bit of it splashed onto his homemade yet stylish blazer, but he didn't care. Fashion would have to take one for the team. "Now, please, dispense with the frigid Goth Princess act and make your way outside, alright? I have every right to be here."

[cafeteria gentleman]

"I figured you were a drama queen, but fuck, hitting me with a rolling pin?"
"You're in my kitchen," Kous replied simply.

He watched the man grab a hold of the mop again through slitted eyes. His eyes grew even more narrow, if possible, as the janitor placed the wet mop onto the floor with a plop! Again Kous took in a deep breath, the fumes from the cleaner filling his senses. He could feel it in his bones that the sterile smell would linger in the kitchen for days throwing him off balance in his work.

Gently he placed the rolling pin onto one of the small cooking stations. "Maybe I should have hit you in the head with it to get it across that you're not wanted or needed here," Kous said dryly. He walked slowly up to the man and grabbed the mop from his hands. "How many times do I have to say it? Fucking leave."

[adachi]

Cows had placed his rolling pin on a counter, thank god. The prospect of being whacked again was an ugly one at best. It wasn't that surprising that the school chef - if he could be labeled as such given that he served high school students - was a major flake, but he was way more annoying than Akira could ever have imagined.

And then Cows had put his filthy, gothic little hands on his mop. HIS mop. Akira had managed to suppress his anger at the other man's haughty, snide responses, but this was the last straw. No one fucking touched his shit without asking first, this rule went without exception. "Cool it, Princess," Akira muttered through clenched teeth, wrenching his mop back from its thief. The corners of his mouth turned upward into a slight smirk as some of the cleaning fluid found its way onto his expensive-looking jacket. Served him right for being such a massive douche. "It's after hours and like I said, I'm well within my access privileges to be here. You're the one that needs to fucking leave, and take your man-wenches with you, will you?"

Akira gently put the mop back onto the cart, grabbing a bottle of windex and pointing it at Cows's face. "Now, shoo, before my itchy trigger finger gets the best of me."

[cafeteria gentleman]

When the jackass janitor tore the mop out of Kous's hands cleaning fluid splashed around and some clung to his jacket. It started to set in and stain the custom fit jacket he had ordered and waited for for weeks (Weeks!) And God knows how long he would have to wait for another one since he wasn't exactly built like the average Japanese man.

He looked from his jacket and back to the man. There was a nasty little grin on his face as he continued to talk on. But the words never registered with Kous. All he could feel was the rage he had been trying to keep back mount higher and higher till it finally broke the dam.

A windex bottle was being shoved into his face, but he ignored that and the man's remarks. His black polished nails grabbed at the janitor's jacket. Holding him by the lapels Kous pushed the janitor up against one of the cooking stations. Pots and pans clattered around and fell along with the windex bottle.

Kous leaned over and spoke. "Look here, dickwad. It's my kitchen my rules. Wanna fucking complain then go to the board, but until then you can get the fuck out."

[ooc: sorry for the horrible and late reply orz]

[adachi]

The words that barfed out of Cows's mouth were all trivial, bullshit spawned from a childish ego and terrible fashion sense. Akira rarely disliked people, but god, this guy was a douchebag. No fucking way am I backing down now, he told himself, gritting his teeth to stamp down the urge to hit him over the head with his mop.

And then the world whirled around him, windex bottle flying out his hands as Cows pushed him up against a counter, his nasty black fingernails knotting around the lapels of his jacket. Fuck, you're an angry little fuck, aren't you? Akira narrowed his eyes, responding to the other man's ultimatum with a curt 'hmph'. A black pantleg brushed up against the front of his pants; against his better wishes he exhaled, breathless. Fuck, I'm hard at a time like this?

Fuck it. Fuck. Cows was very obviously gay, bi at the least; Akira was already hornier than he could contain and they were inches away from each other. A little hatesex never hurt anyone, right?

"Cows, I wasn't aware you liked me like that," Akira mused, snaking his hands around the other man's back. "Really, there are better ways to get in my pants than this. Why beat around the bush?" He offered his most dazzling smirk before he stood up, flipping their positions faster than the other could react. Haven't done this in a while, he thought, crashing his lips down on top of the other man's.

[cafeteria gentleman]

As Kous pushed the man against the counter and his leg brushed lightly against the other's crotch, but he could feel the boner that was forming. A small sigh escaped from the man's mouth and it didn't go unnoticed. Kous's eyebrows raised in surprise and a smirk began to appear on his face, but the janitor was already far ahead of him.

Large arms wrapped around his back and the man below him offered him a smirk. "Really, there are better ways to get in my pants than this. Why beat around the bush?" Before Kous could even give a reply, immediately he was turned around and now the one being pinned against the counter. Lips collided with his own and he couldn't help but respond.

It had only been a month into the new school year, but Kous already had a large amount of stress on his shoulders from the preparing meals three times a day, seven days a week for ungrateful brats and the annoying lunch ladies. To find an outlet for it was a nice break for Kous even if it was having sex with the janitor in his kitchen.

His hands fisted into the taller man's hair and tugged his lips away. "I could say the same to you," Kous smiled slyly before going in for another kiss. After a few moments his hands unfastened from the other's hair and slid their way down his chest. Teasingly they made a brush at the man's crotch again before going over his hips and to his ass. Both made a tight squeeze to the other's ass and rested themselves there as the two continued their make-out session.

[adachi]

"Ngh..." Akira moaned, reveling in the way Cows's mouth tasted like fine dining, the way his perfectly preserved fingers were entwined in the back of his hair. This was a dance he'd performed many times, but precious few had been this electric. This picture is insane, Akira thought to himself, quivering slightly as the other's hands slid down his chest, brushed lightly - too lightly - up against the front of his pants.

"Tease," he muttered, somewhat breathless, as Kous's arms snaked their way behind him, squeezing his ass tightly. "Y'gonna deliver on that promise?" Mid-kiss, Akira bit lightly on the other man's lower lip, sliding his hands up beneath his designer shirt. Their position on the counter shifted slightly, another pot clanging to the floor.

(OH GOD THIS IS SO SHORT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I FORGOT HOW BAD I SUCK AT THIS SLKDJGLKSDFJ I APOLOGIZE)

[cafeteria gentleman]

Kous let out a small gasp and shuddered at the contact of cool fingers against his skin. His hands pulled at the other's ass to bring the man closer against his body. A jolt of electricity went through him when he felt the teeth nip at his bottom lip.

Another pot fell, but Kous was too engrossed in his activities to even bother caring about the state of his kitchen right now. However he could sense the stares they were receiving and when he opened his eyes he found numerous other ones watching their actions.

One hand cupped the man's ass while another felt around the counter for something big and preferably heavy. His fingers locked around the handle of a frying pan and he swung it as best as he could at the kitchen door. Quickly the other lunch ladies fled and the door closed only to be slammed into by the frying pan that let out a resounding crack. Kous closed his eyes again and turned his attention back to what he had previously been doing- molesting the janitor.

/END